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Friday, May 6, 2011

I am dreading.....

Monday. This little sweet face.

Sweet little Addison will hit the 8 week mark on Tuesday which means, Mommy has to go back to work.

This is a day I have been looking forward to (yes, in a weird sort of way) and dreading at the same time.
I have looked forward to this day because I love my career. I would like to believe that I have worked hard to be where I am today. School was not always my strong suit but I knew that in order to be successful, I needed an education (and look at me now, going to Grad school, who would have thought?). I am great friends with my boss and his family. They are easily CJ and my best friends in Chicago.

Over the last three years that I have worked for Antonelli College, I am certain that I have been exposed to and able to more than most people early in their career. Of course, I believe that I have been able to prove my hardwork and dedication to the company has allowed me this opportunity. Being out, my poor boss has been left with all my work as well as his. When you work for a small company, you heavily rely on others to help you, even if it is not in your "job description".

What is important to mention is, weeks leading up to my maternity leave, his own wife, and employee of the company had their daughter 6 weeks prematurely. Both of their lives were hauled in order to take care of a preemie which meant leaving work far earlier than either of them had expected. As Jason was out, the work was piling up. While Michelle was out, the work was piling up. Remember when I said that we help others when needed even if it's not in our job description? Well, I stepped in where needed. Just as soon as Jason got back to work and caught up, Addison decided to grace us with her presence while Michelle was still out on maternity leave. WOAH!!! So poor Jason, was left to do his job, my job and Michelle's job all while tending to his other child Kalen and their newborn baby Keira. Talk about hard....for him but it weighed heavy on my heart knowing how much he had on his plate.

Shortly after Addison was born, Michelle went back to work but Jason has still been handling both my job and his job. I know there is a lot of work that I missed and I am sure a lot that I will have once I go back, but I have missed it. I have missed the normalcy. I have missed getting up every day, putting my face on (hair and make-up) and being a professional business woman. Having a career. Don't get me wrong, I LLLOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE being a mom but a stay at home mom is not in my cards. At least not right now! :)

What will I miss? Oh, where do I start. I will miss our picture and video taking. Every day I strive to take a picture and/or video of Addison. I haven't missed too many days, usually just on the weekends when we are busy running around. I hope that I will be able to continue to take a picture every day of little miss, but with our crazy schedule, I am hoping that is still reality.

I am SO fearful I will miss many of Addison's firsts. The first time she crawls, the first time she stands up, walks, says Ma Ma, Da Da, Lay Lay, etc. I am not sure if I will tell "school" to not tell me about her milestones so that in some selfish way I can experience them on my own. But, I of course want to be certain that "school" is doing what they should be doing. Ahhh, I just don't know.

I will miss changing diapers, feeding her bottles, watching her sleep, witnessing Layla kissing her face, everything! Now, don't get me wrong, I know I will still see her at night and on the weekends, but to spend every waking moment during the day with her, I will miss that during the week.

So, if next week, I am a total wreck, moody, bitchy, a ball of nerves, crying at everything, you will understand why. I have been told it gets better day by day, so I am looking forward to going back, but dreading missing Addison.

PS. The cutest video ever is coming soon..........I can't wait for it to finish uploading and to post! :) in the meantime, here's daddy and Addi and her tongue.

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